The Savvy Goddess
What Your Dating Patterns Reveal About Your Standards
“I’ve done so much work on myself. I’m independent. I know who I am.
So why do I keep ending up here, doing all the emotional heavy lifting, hoping he’ll meet me halfway?”
That was the question a client asked me recently. Her voice was steady, but the exhaustion underneath it was unmistakable.
Maybe you’ve felt it too.
You say you want emotional intimacy, but you keep attracting men who shut down.
You crave consistency, but find yourself chasing crumbs. You’ve read the books. You’ve done the inner work. So why do you keep ending up here?
Here’s the truth no dating app or checklist will tell you:
Your dating patterns aren’t random. They’re revealing.
They reflect not only what you want, but what your body believes is possible. They mirror the hidden contracts you've unconsciously signed, based on your nervous system, past experiences, and what you've learned to settle for.
Let’s unravel what your patterns are really saying and how to begin aligning with a new standard of love that meets you where you truly are.
But before we go further, let’s clarify something important.
Most people think of standards as surface-level preferences, e.g. emotional intelligence or financial stability.
But in my work, I distinguish between inner standards and energetic standards:
▪️Inner standards live in your mindset, aka your stated values, beliefs, and expectations.
▪️Energetic standards live in your body. They’re shaped by your nervous system, emotional history, and what love has felt like in the past.
When these two aren’t aligned, you’ll find yourself chasing love with your head while your energy keeps calling in the same old pain.
This article is about helping you bring those layers into alignment, so that what you say you want and what you’re truly available for can finally align.
The Hidden Power of Inner Standards
When most people talk about standards, they list traits on paper - financial stability, emotional intelligence, someone who’s ready for commitment. But true standards are much deeper. They’re energetic. Embodied. Somatic.
They live in the small, often invisible moments.
▪️Who you say yes to after a red flag.
▪️The texts you tolerate while pretending not to care.
▪️The pit in your stomach that you override because “maybe this time is different.”
Your inner standards are shaped by everything your body has learned to expect. Trauma, grief, old relationships, and cultural conditioning all contribute to the silent rules you keep following.
It’s like having an unspoken dating contract you never consciously agreed to. But you keep signing it anyway.
And unless we bring these into awareness, we keep re-enacting old stories while hoping for happy endings.
How to Recognise When Your Standards Are Misaligned
Shifting your love life is simple, but it requires a little brave self-inquiry.
Ask yourself:
Do my actions match my desires?
Do I find unavailability more attractive than stability?
Do I override red flags to avoid having to start over?
Do I secretly believe that reciprocity is too much to ask for?
Do I expect to be chosen, or do I choose?
Here’s a truth to hold close: Your dating patterns are shaped more by what you settle for than what you say you want.
For a deeper dive into how emotional unavailability can still be present underneath your conscious awareness - even after years of self-work - read Why You're Still Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men (Even After Doing 'The Work').
How to Begin Aligning with a Higher Standard in Love
Here's something I wish somebody had told me years ago when I was attracting duds: You don’t need a new dating strategy. You just need to come home to your inner truth.
And this is how to begin:
1. Journal the Patterns, Not Just the Pain
Instead of writing about how hurt you felt/feel about what happened in previous relationships, explore the choices you made that led to that pain. Get curious. Did you notice any familiar feelings? What did you override? What did you hope would change?
2. Create a Dating Values Map
What are your non-negotiables now - not from fear, but from deep self-honouring? What dynamics feel calming to your nervous system vs. exciting to your ego?
3. Understand Your Love Archetype
Your archetype holds many clues about the inner programming driving your choices in love. It helps you identify patterns that may have been unconscious until now.
If you're curious about discovering your Love Archetype, I invite you to take the Savvy Love Archetype Quiz.
Because only when you become aware of your inner standards, that's when dating shifts from guesswork to grounded discernment.
From Performing to Choosing: Raising Your Energetic Standards
Many of the women I work with aren't struggling in love because they're clueless. They’re struggling because they’ve internalised love as something to perform for.
They’ve been praised for being low-maintenance, resilient, self-reliant and so on.
And so they overfunction. They tolerate. They wait to be chosen.
But here’s what is often missed:
This isn’t just a mindset pattern. It’s an energetic one.
When your body has learned to equate love with effort, performance becomes your norm.
Even if your conscious self says, “I want to be met,” your energy is still saying, “I’ll prove I’m worth staying for.”
Inside the Sovereignty pillar of The Savvy Love Method, we focus on raising your energetic standards.
This means:
▪️ Getting honest about what your nervous system still believes is ‘normal’
▪️ Releasing unconscious contracts around proving, earning, or chasing love
▪️ Choosing partners who reflect your current truth, not your past wounds
This isn’t about becoming pickier.
It’s about becoming clearer.
When you refine your energetic standards, you stop confusing chemistry with compatibility.
You stop accepting breadcrumbs in place of devotion.
You choose love that meets you at your full expression, not the version of you that plays small to keep the peace.
The Savvy Love Method™
A trauma-informed, energetically aligned path to relational healing and discernment.
These are the core dimensions we work with - because lasting love doesn’t come from playing it cool. It comes from choosing it with your whole self.
From Pattern to Power: Living Your New Standard
What does it look like to actually live your new standard in daily life?
You stop swiping on men who don’t feel like a yes in your body
You leave conversations that drain you, even if they seem promising on paper
You speak your needs early, without apology
You stop interpreting crumbs as proof of potential
You experience spaciousness in your nervous system instead of constant activation
This is what sovereignty in love feels like. Not rigid. Not cold. But clear, alive, and deeply honoring.
If you’ve been moving through the world as the strong one, the capable one, the self-reliant one, this might feel radical at first.
But you weren’t made for a life of relational contortion.
You were made to receive love that mirrors the woman you’ve become.
You’re Ready for a Different Kind of Love
This isn’t about changing your 'type'.
It’s about changing your truth.
You’re not broken. You’re becoming.
And you don’t need another strategy. You need to hear your own standard echoed back to you through soul-aligned connection.
Take the Savvy Love Archetype Quiz to uncover the unconscious pattern you’ve been living - and the shift your heart is ready for.
What’s one standard you’re ready to raise in your love life?
Drop it in the comments. Your truth might be the mirror someone else needs.
Hi, I'm Michaela...
Former widow. Met my soulmate online at 42. Now I coach soul-led women who’ve done the inner work but still feel stuck in love, to stop abandoning themselves and claim the connection they truly long for. This blog is your sanctuary for love that begins with YOU.
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