The Savvy Goddess
Why You’re Still Attracting the Wrong Men and How to Shift Your Energy for Aligned Love
Even after all the inner work, therapy, and personal growth, you might find yourself attracting men who can’t meet your emotional needs. This post dives deep into why this happens and how to shift your energy to attract the love you truly desire.
Why You're Still Attracting the Wrong Men (Even After All the Healing)
You’ve read the books. You’ve been to therapy. You’ve done the inner child work, rewritten the patterns, even saged your bedroom more times than you can count.
So why—after all of that—does it still feel like you’re attracting men who can’t meet you?
Men who pull away when you get real.
Men who love your softness until it asks to be held.
Men who say the right things… but can’t follow through.
If this is your experience, it’s not because you’re broken.
It’s because you’re burnt out on trying to make love work through performance, perfection, or polarity tricks.
Let’s name what’s really happening.
Healing doesn't mean you're embodied.
You can be self-aware, emotionally intelligent, and trauma-informed… and still be living from your protectors.
That version of you that says:
"I’ll just hold space for him."
"It’s okay, I can meet him where he is."
"He might be the one if I just wait it out."
She’s wise, yes. But also tired.
Because what you really long for is mutuality.
And that requires more than insight. It requires embodiment.
You’re leading with your resilience, not your receptivity.
You’ve done the work to become strong. Sovereign. Self-sufficient.
But sometimes, that strength turns into overfunctioning.
You initiate. You hold it all. You make it easy.
And without realizing it, you end up in relationships where your needs are minimized, where you are carrying the emotional labour.
Because the men you attract don’t have to lead.
(There's really no need because you’re already doing it...)
You don’t attract what you want — you attract what you’re available for.
Here’s the truth no one tells you:
If your nervous system isn’t safe receiving love…
you’ll unconsciously block or sabotage anyone who offers it.
You’ll mistake chemistry for compatibility.
You’ll chase highs and call it connection.
You’ll test, prove, or perform—when what you really crave is to be held.
Wanting love isn’t the same as being available for aligned love.
And becoming available requires a shift at the frequency level.
So what do you do?
You don’t need another dating strategy.
You need sacred sovereignty.
A reclamation of the truth that:
You don’t have to shrink to be chosen.
You don’t have to be more healed to be held.
You don’t have to keep waiting for someone to finally pick you.
You get to pick yourself.
And you get to let love rise to meet you.
Ready to find out what frequency you're currently dating from?
Start with the Savvy Love Archetype Quiz and discover the unconscious patterns that might be shaping your attraction field.
Want to go deeper? Watch the Savvy Love Shift Masterclass or book a free Love Blueprint Audit to explore the next sacred step.
You’re not behind.
You’re just becoming ready.
Hi, I'm Michaela...
Former widow. Met my soulmate online at 42. Now I coach soul-led women who’ve done the inner work but still feel stuck in love, to stop abandoning themselves and claim the connection they truly long for. This blog is your sanctuary for love that begins with YOU.
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